"Ugh.."

So it feels like I am wearing a little sweater vest of pain.
Yesterday I had surgery for a hernia, which is just a word for a “hole” in the abdominal walls. Apparently it just “happens.” Recovery is “agonizing”. “Great.”
It went pretty smoothly. The only hitch was that when they ran an MRI on me a group of techs gathered and I heard mutterings.
“This is bad. This is terrible. This is a mess.”
I recoiled in fear. “Oh no…the print out is blurry. You are fine.”
I got to wear an adorable little robe. I want to thank my parents and my wife for accompanying me. Some bullet points:
-They told me to avoid making decisions for the full day after anathesia. I told them that I was married and had not made a decision in fifteen years.
-I was, of course, hilarious. The surgical team loved me. I usually shine in situations like this. One time I was arrested and the arresting officer referred to me as a “breath of fresh air” in the Newark Police Department.
-I am not allowed to lift over ten pounds so I don’t know how I will be using the bathroom. Perhaps we can start a sign-up sheet at church for assistance?
-Since I was so well behaved, my parents took me to the Mall after the doc’s and I got a delicious meal of food and the new Madden football game. It is amazing btw.
So Ernie is gone. Yep, Ernie the Hernia. I feel a sense of longing.
So I have the next week or so off and I will be using it to heal, start my novel, record my solo full-length, and finish the basement.
Most likely I will watch X-Files, get mediocre at Madden, and lift about.