All my life I have wanted an Iphone. I remember when I was just a child looking into the crystal windows of the “Apple Store” and watching the happy children play with theirs, loading fun apps, laughingly sending each other text messages rife with good humor. My family could not afford to get me an Iphone so I had to make do with the Yphone, which was a little container I could keep nickels in to use on the various payphones scattered through the city. The other children in the Dickensian work camp in which I grew up mocked me and would often steal the nickels and use them to purchase snuff and colored kerchiefs.
So you can imagine my excitement when I heard the Iphone was dropping their price hundreds of dollars to only $199. I flew into a tizzy at the news. I imagined myself like all the other happy shiny people, laughing, free of back pain, tossing their raven locks over their shoulders, talking about Barack Obama’s chances, and discussing marketing. I rushed to the Apple Store, which was much more advanced than the one of my youth. On my way there my friend told me on my stupid dumb phone that was completely I-free that they weren’t coming out until July. Whatever. Back to my blah life.
I was a nervous wreck waiting for the big launch. Ads would tease and titillate me, promising that the Iphone would end boredom as we know it. A lofty ideal. There were a few potential flies in the ointment. (Ew…what ointment are you using? I prefer linament. More natcheral, yup.)
1. What if AT & T rejected me? I am what people call creditally challenges, due to some misunderstanding over when bills were due. I prefer to go on my own time-line, certain companies want to be paid. These things happen. So what happens if I wait in line at the apple store, perform whatever unsavory duties Apple insisted on, and then they refuse my service? I would be just crushed…probably never recover. Be in therapy for the rest of my life.
B. That is really my main concern.
So I couldn’t just wait and do it like everyone else right? Too much risk. So I went online the day before the Iphones launched. (imagine hundreds of shiny black phones sailing into the horizon). I filled out the necessary pull-downs and me and the Ol’ Lady became official members of the AT and T family. I just picked the cheapest phones since I certainly wasn’t gonna keep them was I? No I would be trading them in, prolly not even get em registered or whatever.
So the day of I went to the Apple Store and started waiting in line. One of the Apple Minions came through the line, offering snacks and water to those that had been waiting over 24 hours. They also asked some questions.
“Are you ready?”- Everyone screamed hell yeah!
“Do you love Steve Jobs?”- People fell on the ground, convulsing. It was a scene right out of the Golden Lamb jam.
“Are you already an AT and T member?” –YES! I screamed. Alone. The voice in the wilderness.
Uh-oh.
Problem.
I was ushered into a dark corner where ice-cold water was splashed into my face.
Figuratively.
“Well, the thing is…you aren’t eligible for an upgrade…so the Iphone will actually be…$1,298.00 dollares.”
“But I have been a member for like…six hours…”
“Sorry sir. I know you are upset. I know it hurts.”
I was told to talk to the AT and T store which fortunately calmed me down by feigning interest and staying awake through my whole story.
“You know if you had just waited like…a day you would be using an Iphone right now.”
Yeah thanks.
So I was told to use the Pooh-phones when they came, wait until the ATT store got in the shipments of the glistening new I-phones from the cyber docks.
So I let everyone knew I had a new number but not a new Iphone. (Imagine scores of people erasing my contact and writing in a new one)
Then I started thinking.
See I got this thing with phone numbers. First off, the older your prefix the better. Let me explain.
368 is the greatest Newark Number you can have. Followed by 738, then 731. Classics man. Those are the Beatles of Delaware prefixes.
So I have always been uncomfortable with my Maryland number which as you know is not even 410…..443? what?
So I took this opportunity to change my number to a Delaware number. It just felt right.
So I had to tell everyone again, this is my new number. Won’t change again.
Untill the ATT man tells us that we have to cancel out our numbers and get new ones in order to get the Iphone.
So again I got new numbers….third in as many weeks. And I got the iphone which is the greatest thing I have ever bought. I am finally one of the elite, actually the elite of the elite….owner of the 3G iphone.
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11 comments:
I'm so jealous of your shiny new 3g-ness... My phone's speed feels like slo-mo compared to yours.
Back when I was a kid, the apple store actually just sold apples. Like the fruit.
IJosh, I am happy for you!
Drew wants one real real bad now...
Josh, I rejoice with you! Your journey to this moment has been riviting...laughter and tears. Thank you for sharing it with all of us:)
Hi Ijosh! Hilarious post.
In celebration of the release of the iPhone 3G, I bought my very first cell phone. It's about as basic as you can get. It has a BrightShinyColor! screen.
Yes, I am part of the elite of 1998. But, I figure I'll save $1800 over the next two years. I'm just saying.
Well, that 1800 is a little misleading because the only way you'd save all that money is to have no cell and data plan. Darby and I have no landline phones anymore, especially because long distance charges on calling people on the east coast would cost a ton... so it all works out. Being able to get online at any time is worth the convenience!
Yeah, you're right - no cell plan, and no data plan. Just voice using prepaid cards. But, i sit in front of a computer all day and never talk to any friends, so it's enough to me.
Somehow, i don't think this plan would work for any of the Sociable and Connected Latshaws. ;)
Now that you have been accepted into the Apple family I only ask that you refer to the name in the correct form. Lowercase "i" So iJosh and iPhone.
Welcome, and I am very jealous of your 3G Speed.
i must be a stick-in-the-mud (technologically speaking, er, writing) because i have absolutely no desire to own an iPhone. "Why, then, is she using the members only lower-case i, do you ask?" Go ahead, ask, i won't be offended. i don't have an iPhone, but i do have an iPod Touch, a benny when my husband purchased my new computer recently. i didn't want that, either, but i have to say, now that i have been downloading my cds onto it, that it is growing on me. ;-) However, i do not judge, i hope you and your new iphone will be very happy, iJosh!
what is a "benny?"
benefit
I suppose I should have said "bonus".
no--I am glad you did--now I know what it means:-)
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